The Man Who Shocked the Netherlands: The Power of Radical Honesty

MindSpeaking Podcast Episode 30 - Martijn Van Hoek

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Highlights:

00:00 – Awkward silences = happiness

01:30 – How to handle difficult conversations

03:30 – Embracing awkwardness builds connection

06:20 – Why Martijn sent his date home

09:00 – Setting boundaries, even on reality TV

12:00 – Saying no = saying yes to yourself

14:50 – Birthday parties & people-pleasing

17:00 – Gilbert’s story on setting boundaries

20:00 – Inquiry exercise for deeper connection

24:30 – TV show sparked real-life reflection

28:50 – Handling feedback & public criticism

33:00 – Letting go of what others think

36:50 – Releasing drive rooted in ego

41:00 – Social media: curse & blessing

45:00 – From busyness to calm & self-awareness

Summary

In this candid episode, 🎙️Gilbert Eijkelenboom talks with tech entrepreneur 🗣Martijn van Hoek, who left his company at age 38 and sparked conversation across the Netherlands with his bold communication style on national television.

Martijn shares how awkward silence, clear boundaries, and honest feedback are essential tools in effective stakeholder communication, building trust with stakeholders, and gaining stakeholder buy-in. From tantra practices to TV stardom, Martijn offers insights on presenting data to stakeholders by first being present with ourselves.

"Why storytelling matters in business." "Avoiding excessive detail and technical language starts with knowing your audience." "Gaining stakeholder buy-in through data insights and personal truth."

The Power of Awkward Silence

🎙️Gilbert Eijkelenboom:

If something is awkward, not filling it with small talk like weather updates—for me, that's a form of happiness. Have you ever avoided a difficult conversation—like telling someone they crossed a line, giving honest feedback, or just saying no—because it felt too awkward?

🗣Martijn van Hoek:

Yeah. And I like that awkwardness. It’s real. It’s a space for truth. We’re so used to helping each other out—nodding, comforting, skipping over discomfort. But I think there’s value in letting words sink in, even for the speaker. Silence gives both people time to truly feel.

🎙️Gilbert:

I’ve seen you use silence powerfully on the Dutch reality dating show. Do you notice people react nervously to that?

🗣Martijn:

I just observe. Often they get awkward, but I find it beautiful. Silence lets the truth emerge. Sometimes there’s something underneath what we first say—and that only surfaces if we don’t rush to fill the gap. I also do a self-inquiry in those moments—what am I really feeling? And from there, what’s the most truthful thing I can say?

🎙️Gilbert:

It’s the opposite of what most people expect happiness to be.

🗣Martijn:

Right. But staying present, not running from the awkwardness—that’s my happiness. It’s truthful. And when I express that truth, I feel a sense of satisfaction, even if it’s uncomfortable. That’s how building trust with stakeholders really starts: with personal truth.

Saying No Without Guilt

🎙️Gilbert:

That moment on the show when a woman flew all the way to Portugal and after 20 minutes you told her you didn’t feel a yes—it shocked people. But it also showed your commitment to honesty.

🗣Martijn:

Yeah, there was miscommunication. I hadn’t picked her as one of the dates, and when she arrived, it felt like a setup. So I said no. I probably could’ve been more gentle, but I needed to be truthful. And why spend a full day together just to keep up appearances?

🎙️Gilbert:

It’s what most people would do—try to be nice by pretending.

🗣Martijn:

Exactly. But it’s not nice. It’s people-pleasing based on false assumptions. In the end, no one benefits. Whether you’re in a relationship or in a meeting, authenticity builds the real connection. That’s also how you gain stakeholder buy-in.

🎙️Gilbert:

That links to how we handle stakeholder expectations in work too. We agree to things to please others, not because we want to.

🗣Martijn:

Yes. I teach tantra, and one of the key practices is learning to say no. Because every time you say yes to others while you feel a no, you're saying no to yourself. And that’s not sustainable—not in life, not in business.

🎙️Gilbert:

And that applies even to birthday invitations.

🗣Martijn:

Totally. If I invite you and you don’t want to come, please say no. Thank you for saying yes to yourself.

Boundaries as a Form of Connection

🎙️Gilbert:

I recently had a boundary-setting conversation with a long-time friend. We kept saying we’d meet, but it never happened. I felt sad, but I knew I had to talk about it. So I called him, shared how I felt, and asked for clarity.

🗣Martijn:

That’s beautiful. Saying what you feel without judgment. And when you take ownership of how you feel, you create space for a true dialogue.

🎙️Gilbert:

And the result was connection, not conflict.

🗣Martijn:

Exactly. When you choose yourself and speak honestly, you become a more grounded person. People follow people who are authentic.

Honest Words, Open Hearts

🗣Martijn:

In tantra workshops, we do simple exercises. One person asks for something. The other says no. And we thank each other—for the no, for the request. That dynamic—expressing clear intent and honoring rejection—creates respect and clarity.

🎙️Gilbert:

And when we avoid that, when we suppress our desires or thoughts, it creates confusion.

🗣Martijn:

Or resentment. People get hurt more by what we don’t say than by what we do.

Truth and Tension in Relationships

🗣Martijn:

I joined the reality show knowing it would be a way to practice truth-telling. In nature. With strangers. On camera. The stakes were high, but it sharpened my communication. It also showed me how important it is to be clear, concise, and honest.

🎙️Gilbert:

How do you deal with criticism? Especially when some media judged you harshly?

🗣Martijn:

I follow the Four Agreements. Don’t take things personally. Always do your best. I know I’m not perfect. I made mistakes. But I also know I’m trying to be a better person. And that self-trust lets me let go of judgment.

🎙️Gilbert:

And some people resonated with you deeply.

🗣Martijn:

Yes. Some couples even started doing the listening exercises we showed on the program. That’s the impact—real connection through simple communication.

Facing Criticism and Staying Grounded

🎙️Gilbert:

You’ve been through a lot—from overstimulated childhood to surf trips in Australia, business success, inner work, and now this new show.

🗣Martijn:

Yeah, and it all comes back to the same thing. Know thyself. Because when I know what I want and feel safe expressing it, everything shifts. In relationships, in work, in life. If you don’t know what you truly want, how can others support you?

Clarity Comes from Within

🎙️Gilbert:

That self-awareness reduces the noise, the need to overexplain, the over-detailing...

🗣Martijn:

Exactly. It’s not about more detail—it’s about more clarity. The clearer I am with myself, the clearer I can be with others.

🎙️Gilbert:

Like in business-focused data insights—get to the point that matters to them.

🗣Martijn:

Right. And it starts with knowing what matters to you.

Final Rapid Fire: Insight Nuggets

🎙️Gilbert:

One tip for people with kids?

🗣Martijn:

Be present. Hardest and most rewarding thing.

🎙️Gilbert:

Biggest challenge with difficult conversations?

🗣Martijn:

Fear of rejection. Know yourself, love yourself—it gets easier.

🎙️Gilbert:

One thing you wish you’d learned earlier?

🗣Martijn:

That truth is powerful, but kindness makes it land. You can be direct and compassionate.

🎙️Gilbert:

Main takeaway from this episode?

🗣Martijn:

Learn to say no. Because saying no to others is saying yes to the most important person in your life—and that’s you.

Connect with Martijn

Want to learn more or collaborate with Martijn? He's open to connecting with new co-founders and sharing new ideas. You’ll find his handle in the show notes.